he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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