Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Drunk is a universal language darling
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
