Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
