Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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