All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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