he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
