I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
