He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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