Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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