he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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