I'm so fucking centered right now
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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