Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
