If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
