You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize