Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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