so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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