I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
