i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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