somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
