apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Michael Bay diarrhea
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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