I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I need moral support for this bender
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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