i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
