I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
