My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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