and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
