matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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