3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
