I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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