I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
