Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
the day after is always just damage control
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
