She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
