As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
