Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
