I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
