Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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