Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
