They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
