every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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