That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
