Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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