I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
