i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
