I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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