Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
