You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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