Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
