He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize