I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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