like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We are two peas in an std pod
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize