My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
