sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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