We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
