separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
