But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
