Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
