Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Houston, we have a squirter
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize