well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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