he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I cut my penus on the lid.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
