dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
