"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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