Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I have demons in me.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
